To honor God (and a tale of two Sauls)
Recently, I questioned something God did. It was a big thing and I had questions. And then I asked what to do next. When I brought it up, I felt in my spirit God answered to pick up a book I started reading months before (actually by the author quoted above and a rather dry book in my estimation at that time). It was a strange answer, but I got the book down and picked up where I left off. And then what I read a few pages later answered everything. It was like it jumped off the page. In the middle of that desert of a book was something that spoke directly to me about my situation. This is what it means to walk with God. You have questions, and He has answers. He gives direction, and you follow. Nothing you're going through is meant to harm you. It may be difficult or painful, but it's for your good in some way. If you don't understand, God will help you understand. In that moment, God told me prayers I prayed a while ago were being answered by what I was going through. He doesn't always just *boom* answer your prayer and give you something. But He will give you the raw materials and opportunities to build it. And, if you fail today, you can be sure He will test you again until you pass. It may be a week or two or a month, but be sure He wants you to succeed and will give you a multitude of chances.
Another book I've been reading is Exposing the Spiritual Roots of Disease, which a friend mentioned recently. (Also, Eradicating the Hosts of Hell.) I've been sick almost constantly since I moved to a different state almost a year ago. (Actually wondered if I should move again.) I asked God for healing and to understand why I was so sick all the time and this book dropped into my hands. I know spiritual warfare. I know demons must be cast out, but I don't always see how they got control of my life to begin with. This book backs up a bit and shows the open doors and how to use my will against the enemy. Eventually, the demons will have to be cast out, as well, but it's important to close the doors first and close the legal loopholes. I broke a lot of curses over myself, renounced my agreements with the enemy, and confessed a lot of sin, as the Holy Spirit directed. That book was also an answer to prayer. But, the most important thing I do, no matter what I read, is to listen to God's voice. To get in that place every day where I can hear Him is my eternal goal. Willful sin is the only thing I found that will block it. Like King Saul waiting for an answer before going into battle and not receiving one, many blunder on in error, don't hear God's voice, and blame anyone and everyone around them. I don't want to be like that. If waiting for God's answer means being highly uncomfortable and even makes me look bad, so be it. The battle belongs to the Lord. Going forward without Him is akin to suicide.
I also don't want to be like Saul of Tarsus on the road to Damascus. No doubt, God was working on Saul (Paul) before that day, but Saul was resistant, even upping his persecution of saints. If God has marked you for something, you better not fight against it because He will do anything to bring you into that role. Recently, I had some rather big disappointments. Beyond my ability to deal with. That's a good time to take a break, take a step back, and ask God what to do next. I don't want to make a hasty decision like King Saul. I don't want to get down the road and have God speak to me like He did Saul of Tarsus. I want to honor God with my life, not go my own way. I won't say what God told me, but I will say when I get into that place of listening, a tremendous peace washes over me. That's where I am now. Taking a step back for me usually means something big and unexpected is coming. Sometimes something big follows a period of isolation. It be a time of preparation. Or, it could be I just need some time to heal and reaffirm my belief that God is in charge, not me. That's the thing. We don't know.
Recently, I wiped my phone and computer from some apps that I felt were affecting me in a negative way. I felt bad for a moment, but my health rebounded considerably since then. I even deleted Solitaire, which for most people is harmless. But, for some reason, while playing I felt something was wrong. Look up the occult origin of playing cards if you want to know more. Some are more sensitive to things than others, especially when going through a big change or reset and being spiritually open and vulnerable. I recall having to go outside a restaurant one time because I was battling spirits of rock and roll. What was surely no bother to anyone else was bothersome to me, as I was going through something rather difficult. After healing, one can come across the same thing and it won't bother them. That's how you know you're doing better. What may be ordinary to one may have negative consequences for another, if only for a time. Paul spoke a lot about things like that.
Similarly, we tend to look at others' sins as truly sinful. Like, get it together, buddy. This is something a minister spoke about recently in my church and I agree. We look at our sins and we understand, as in, man, it's hard to control those things. But that other guy, whoa. He's out of control. We all have different susceptibilities. The devil knows our weaknesses. One person's weakness is not your weakness. You think, boy, I can control that. I would never fall to something like that. But you have your own battles. Don't look down on someone else because they sin differently. It's all sin in God's eyes. We shouldn't accept sin, but we shouldn't be so quick to judge others because we didn't fall into their particular trap.
I don't know how much time I have left. I don't even know if I'll be here in a year or a week. God may call me home sooner rather than later. But, I do know I want to honor God with the time I have left. And that, to me, means listening to that small voice and being obedient. I don't intend to be a great man of God. I intend to be faithful in what I'm given. (I'd love to be a worker bee in a deliverance church.) If I'm given more, my mission is the same. Amen?
I hope, if anyone is actually reading here, these posts are somehow a blessing. They are meant to bless and encourage.
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